Shopping With Wrestlers
by Jadyn
Summary: This is what happens when an author gets her own store... and wrestlers need to shop there.
1. Kurt Angle

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Kurt Angle  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but myself.  
  
~~~  
  
Kurt Angle: -walks in door of a small shop, which, on a sign outside, claims 'We Have Everything'-  
  
Jadyn: Hi! Welcome to my store. Whaddaya want? HEY, you're a wrestler!  
  
KA: I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic Champion, and since you have everything, I'm gonna need some gold medal polish.  
  
Jadyn: What?  
  
KA: -twitches- GOLD MEDAL POLISH. You know, the kind Olympic Champions use?  
  
Jadyn: You do know there is no such thing as gold medal polish, right? I can get you some silverware polish, or some shoe polish, or maybe even some baldhead polish, though.  
  
KA: Look, I just want some polish for my gold medals. Can't you get me that?  
  
Jadyn: No. I can get you some of those ugly boots you wear, though.  
  
KA: -pauses- D'ya really think my boots are ugly? -shakes head- I just want some polish.  
  
Jadyn: -holds up a can- Beer?  
  
KA: Look lady, you are getting on my last nerve! Where can I get some gold medal polish?  
  
Jadyn: Down the street, in the third door to your right.  
  
KA: Thank you! -exits hurriedly-  
  
Jadyn: -giggles, because she has just pointed Kurt to the bar where Steve Austin is-  
  
~~~ 20 minutes later ~~~  
  
KA: -walks in, looking disheveled and beat-up- You little - ugh! I cannot believe you did that! WHY did you do that?  
  
Jadyn: Do what?  
  
KA: -twitches- Send me to Steve Austin!  
  
Jadyn: I did no such thing! How dare you accuse me of such a horrendous act! -under her breath- Angle sucks, Angle sucks…  
  
KA: What are you saying?  
  
Jadyn: Nothing, nothing. Look, do you want the baldhead polish or not, because I'm overstocked on this junk and-  
  
KA: NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR BALDHEAD POLISH!  
  
Jadyn: Oh. -pauses- Then can you please go back to the bar and take some to Steve Austin?  
  
KA: -sighs- Are you mentally handicapped?  
  
Jadyn: -looks at him quizzically, and then holds up a small metallic package- Pocky?  
  
KA: Oooh. -nods enthusiastically, takes one, and then begins eating hungrily-  
  
Jadyn: Thank you for shopping at my store, please come again soon. Kurt? KURT?  
  
KA: -is sitting on a chair behind the counter eating Pocky, refusing to leave-  
  
Jadyn: -sighs-  
  
  
  
A/N: For those of you who don't know, a Pocky is a Japanese snack food. It's a biscuit stick dipped in usually chocolate, but it comes in a lot of flavors. 


	2. Big Show

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Big Show  
  
Disclaimer: Again, I only own myself.  
  
~~~  
  
Big Show: -walks into the same small store, which has inexplicably become a Big & Tall-  
  
Jadyn: Hello, and welcome to my clothiers. Without looking at you, I will assume you are big and/or tall. Your name, sir or madam? -under her breath- Hopefully sir.  
  
BS: I'm the Big Show.  
  
Jadyn: -looks up, and her eyes continue going up for a full minute. She then emits a loud scream and runs behind Kurt Angle, who has still not left the store and is still eating all her Pockys-  
  
KA: Hey, Jadyn, do you have any more food?  
  
Jadyn: -in a whisper- Protect me, Kurt.  
  
BS: I need some new sweatpants. That stupid Brit, Regal, pissed all over mine.  
  
Jadyn: Okay, um, what color would you like?  
  
BS: -rolls eyes- Gray.  
  
Jadyn: -trembling, she hands him a stack of size XXXXXL sweatpants, all gray-  
  
BS: Thanks. -goes into the dressing room-  
  
KA: I'm thirsty. Do you have any milk?  
  
Jadyn: No. -warily eyes the dressing room- Is he… dangerous?  
  
KA: Big Show? Nah. Not really. Well, that is, unless you pee on his leg. Then you're in trouble.  
  
BS: -bursts out of the dressing room happily, wearing a pair of the pants- These are perfect! Thank you so much! -lifts Jadyn, who happens to be 5'4, 105 lbs., up into a hug-  
  
Jadyn: -strangled- You're welcome. That will be ten dollars.  
  
BS: -throws a twenty down on the counter- Keep the change. I've got to go find Regal. -runs out the door, taking half of it along with him-  
  
Jadyn: -has gone into the dressing room to get the other pairs of sweatpants. Comes running out with a pair of gigantic jeans- WAIT, Mr. Big Show, you… forgot… your… jeans. -sighs-  
  
Jadyn and KA: -watch BS run down the street-  
  
KA: -pauses- Are you sure you don't have any milk?  
  
Jadyn: -hits the side of his head- 


	3. Stone Cold Steve Austin

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Stone Cold Steve Austin  
  
Disclaimer: I still own no one but me.  
  
~~~  
  
Stone Cold Steve Austin: -enters our store, which is now a liquor store-  
  
Jadyn: -has finally gotten rid of Kurt by threatening to call the police, and besides, she was out of Pocky- I'm so glad he's gone. -catches sight of SCSA- Hi. How can I help you?  
  
SCSA: I need beer. WHAT? A brewski. WHAT? Some hops. WHAT? A Stevewiser. WHAT? A-  
  
-gets cut off by Jadyn-  
  
Jadyn: Why are you talking like that?  
  
SCSA: Don't cut off Stone Cold. WHAT? Don't interrupt. WHAT? It's rude. WHAT?  
  
Unseen Crowd (U.C): WHAT?  
  
SCSA: WHAT?  
  
U.C.: WHAT?  
  
Jadyn: Hey, where'd you people come from?!  
  
U.C: WHAT?  
  
Jadyn: -getting tired off this- SHUT UP!  
  
U.C.: -crickets chirping-  
  
SCSA: So can I get my beer? WHAT?  
  
Jadyn: I need to see ID.  
  
SCSA: -roots through his pockets until he finds a driver's license that is at least ten years old-  
  
Jadyn: I'm sorry sir, that's not you.  
  
SCSA: WHAT? What, do you mean, it's not me? Of course it's Stone Cold, and that's the bottom line-  
  
SCSA and U.C.: 'Cause Stone Cold said so!  
  
Jadyn: Uh-huh. Well, regardless of what you say, this isn't you. For one thing, the name on here is Steve Williams, not Stone Cold. For another, this guy's got hair.  
  
SCSA: -dropping his persona, leaning and whispering to Jadyn- Look, my real name is Steve Williams. That's just a really old picture. Can't you give me some beer? I'll even bring my wife in if you want me to.  
  
Jadyn: Nah, that's okay, Steve. I believe ya. Go get some beer.  
  
SCSA: Wa-hoo!  
  
Jadyn: -yawns and begins to buff her nails as SCSA runs away in glee-  
  
~~~ 10 LONG minutes later ~~~  
  
SCSA: -smiling, he piles at least two dozen twelve-packs of beer on the counter-  
  
Jadyn: Whoa! You're actually gonna drink all this?  
  
SCSA: Within six hours, yeah.  
  
Jadyn: Okay, give me a fifty and we'll call it even.  
  
SCSA: Thank you so, so, so much. -sobbing in happiness, he hugs her around the waist-  
  
Jadyn: -sighs and pats his bald head- 


	4. Shane McMahon

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Shane McMahon  
  
Disclaimer: I still own me.  
  
~~~  
  
Shane McMahon: -walks in the store, which is now a furniture store, whistling his theme song-  
  
SM: Here comes the money, baby!  
  
Jadyn: -rabidly- WHERE? WHERE, DAMN YOU?  
  
SM: Hold on, I'M the money!  
  
Jadyn: -is upset for a minute, but then eyes SM and brightens- You may not be money, but you're HOT! What can I do for you? -wiggles eyebrows suggestively-  
  
SM: I need a new ultra-plush, ultra-expensive leather chair. And a cute little salesgirl to go with it may not be too bad. -grins-  
  
Jadyn: Well, these chairs may suit your taste. -shows him a stand full of big, comfy-looking leather chairs-  
  
SM: Hmm, they look ultra-plush, but not ultra expensive. Got anything else?  
  
Jadyn: -rolls eyes- Okay how about the… -pushes button, which pulls back a red curtain- SEATMASTER DELUXE 7 BILLION? The most plush chair ever and it only costs… -whispers in SM's ear-  
  
SM: Wow, expensive! I'll take it! Can I use a credit card?  
  
Jadyn: Sure.  
  
SM: Okay, which one of these do you want? -unfurls his wallet, revealing approximately 46 credit cards-  
  
Jadyn: -taking advantage of the situation- I'll need to check all of them. -grabs the wallet and maxes the cards out-  
  
SM: -looks confused-  
  
Jadyn: Okay, here are your cards. What do you say we test this chair out? -another suggestive eyebrow wiggle-  
  
SM: I don't get it.  
  
Jadyn: You may be the Boy Wonder, but you're no wonder boy, are ya?  
  
SM: I don't get it.  
  
-All of a sudden Kurt Angle storms in-  
  
Jadyn: Kurt! GO HOME! You already ate all of my food!  
  
KA: No, I just need to know where the bathroom is.  
  
Jadyn: -sighs, and points-  
  
KA: Thanks! -runs to the restroom with his hands between his legs-  
  
SM: I think I'll just take my chair now.  
  
Jadyn: -slides the chair, which is the office kind with wheels, at him-  
  
SM: -smiles and waves good-bye-  
  
Jadyn: Damn Kurt Angle. 


	5. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley  
  
Disclaimer: I only own myself.  
  
~~~  
  
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: -walks in the store, which is now a beauty supply store-  
  
Jadyn: -sees her and loudly coughs the word "WHORE!"-  
  
SMH: What?  
  
Jadyn: Nothing, nothing. Did I say something? No. Welcome. What do you need?  
  
SMH: -doesn't believe her- Yeah, I need a bottle of lotion, but it's a very particular lotion. I can't have any other lotion or I get these awful hives and-  
  
Jadyn: -cutting her off- What is your lotion called?  
  
SMH: Pristine Mist.  
  
Jadyn: Whoa, you can't afford that! That's a sixty-dollar lotion. There is no way a slut like you could possibly be able to buy Pristine Mist.  
  
SMH: SLUT? I am not a slut! Do you know who I am? I am Stephanie McMahon- Helmsley!  
  
Jadyn: -thoroughly unimpressed- And?  
  
SMH: OH! I'm going somewhere else.  
  
~~~ 2 hours later ~~~  
  
SMH: -walking in begrudgingly- There is nowhere else.  
  
Jadyn: I know. Now, you're sure if you buy this lotion, it won't eat up your drug fund?  
  
SMH: I'M NOT ON DRUGS AND I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE!  
  
Jadyn: -pulling her fingers out of her ears- Man, you must have to cut prices with a voice like that.  
  
SMH: If I didn't have to buy lotion from you, you'd be dead.  
  
Jadyn: Aww, that's just the bitterness of having a horrible life as a prostitute talking.  
  
SMH: How much?  
  
Jadyn: You misunderstand. I'm not a prostitute.  
  
SMH: -frustrated- No, how much for my lotion?  
  
Jadyn: Oh, sixty and ten cents.  
  
SMH: -writes an check with the message 'DIE BITCH DIE' in the "for" area. She snatches her lotion from Jadyn and leaves-  
  
Jadyn: And she was such a nice slut, too. 


	6. Kane

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Kane  
  
Disclaimer: I only own myself.  
  
~~~  
  
Kane: -in full make-up, he walks into the store, which is now a costume shop-  
  
Jadyn: Can I help you?  
  
Kane: -grunt-  
  
Jadyn: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.  
  
Kane: -grunts again, and points to his mask-  
  
Jadyn: You want a new mask?  
  
Kane: -nod-  
  
Jadyn: Can you talk?  
  
Kane: Yes.  
  
Jadyn: Ooo-kay.  
  
Jadyn: -runs off to get him a mask. She returns with a selection of Bill Clinton and Teletubby masks- Do you like any of these?  
  
Kane: -grabs her throat, preparing her for a Chokeslam- NO!  
  
Jadyn: -extremely strangled- Okay… let me get you some others… please let me go…  
  
Kane: -grunts-  
  
Jadyn: -runs off screaming-  
  
~~~ 30 minutes later ~~~  
  
Kane: -has started looking for Jadyn, who never came back- Where are you?  
  
Jadyn: -peeking out from behind a door labeled 'EMPLOYEES ONLY'- I'm, uh, here.  
  
Kane: -sighs- I just want a mask.  
  
Jadyn: -walks out timidly- And you won't hurt me?  
  
Kane: No.  
  
Jadyn: All right, I think I have one you'll like. Now close your eyes! -slips a chicken-head mask over Kane's head-  
  
Jadyn: What do you think? -holds up a mirror-  
  
Kane: -roars and goes to grab her, but remembers his promise not to hurt her- Do you have ANYTHING else?  
  
Jadyn: Well, we have this… -holds out a mask identical to one he's wearing- …but I didn't think you'd want it.  
  
Kane: -sighs heavily and snatches the mask- How much for this one?  
  
Jadyn: For you, thirty-two dollars. -grins widely-  
  
Kane: -hands Jadyn two twenty-dollar bills-  
  
Jadyn: Here's your change, have a nice day!  
  
Kane: -begins to exit, but then thinks about it and quickly Chokeslams Jadyn, and leaves her lying on the floor-  
  
Jadyn: -twitches- 


	7. Edge and Christian

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Edge and Christian  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me.  
  
~~~  
  
Edge: -enters the store, which is now a hair care products shop-  
  
Jadyn: Hello, how may I be of service?  
  
Edge: -smiling his one million dollar smile- I need some conditioner.  
  
Jadyn: All right, well, do you use a special kind of conditioner?  
  
Edge: Oh, yeah, and it totally reeks of awesomeness!  
  
Jadyn: -quick headshake- It what? Are you insulting me?  
  
Edge: No, that just means my conditioner is cool… never mind.  
  
Jadyn: Whatever. -puts three bottles of conditioner on the counter- How about these?  
  
Edge: No way! They totally reek of stinkosity!  
  
Jadyn: Wait a minute. I thought you said the other stuff "reeked" -finger motions- and it was good! How can these reek and be bad?  
  
Edge: It just works that way. Got any other conditioners?  
  
Jadyn: Yeah, yeah. There's this stuff. -hands him a black bottle- It's got all kinds of gunk that's supposed to be good for your hair.  
  
Edge: Awesome! I'll take it! -looks at a giant pyramid of canisters in the corner- What is that stuff?  
  
Jadyn: Oh, it's baldhead polish. I thought a lot of people would need it, but I can't get rid of it.  
  
-shrugs-  
  
Edge: Wait, I'll take all of it!  
  
Jadyn: -puzzled- Why?  
  
Edge: For Christian's birthday!  
  
Jadyn: -happy to get rid of it- Whatever.  
  
-Christian walks in-  
  
Christian: Come on dude, we gotta go!  
  
Edge: Dude, you're gonna totally see your birthday present!  
  
Christian: Dude, you got me a present? You totally reek of-  
  
Jadyn: -breaks down in tears at not understanding the two-  
  
E and C: -look at her and shrug-  
  
Jadyn: -is left sobbing on the floor- Hey look! A quarter! 


	8. The Rock

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
The Rock  
  
With special guest star TAMMIE!  
  
Disclaimer: I own me, and Tammie owns herself.  
  
~~~  
  
Rock: -walks into the store, which is now a clothing store-  
  
Jadyn: Hi, can I help-  
  
Rock: -has his hand in her face- FINALLY, the Rock has come back to… this store. -realized he'd never been there before-  
  
Jadyn: The Rock, eh? Maybe I should let Tammie handle this one. HEY, TAMMIE!  
  
Tammie: -bounces out happily, then stops dead in her tracks at the sight of the Rock. Begins hyperventilating-  
  
Jadyn: It's okay, honey. Just help him buy some clothes.  
  
Rock: -grins- Hey, Tammie, would you like some of the Rock's -hips movements- strudel?  
  
Tammie: -falls flat on the floor in a faint-  
  
Jadyn: Why'd you do that?  
  
Rock: The Rock was just making a generous offer to one of the Rock's millions-  
  
U.C: -and millions!  
  
Rock: -and millions of fans.  
  
Jadyn: -to U.C- I thought I told you people to go away if you weren't gonna buy anything!  
  
U.C: -files out quietly-  
  
Jadyn: -to Rock- Well, now that you've made my assistant pass out, I guess I'm gonna have to help you.  
  
Rock: Well, the Rock would like another one of his great five hundred dollar shirts.  
  
Jadyn: Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?  
  
Rock: -ignoring her- The Rock likes that one. -points to the most expensive shirt in the store, which is also the ugliest-  
  
Jadyn: Whatever. What size do you wear?  
  
Rock: The Rock wears a size GREAT!  
  
Jadyn: WHAT?  
  
Rock: -slaps her-  
  
Jadyn: What was that for?  
  
Rock: How dare you mock the Rock by using Stone Cold's word?  
  
Jadyn: -has no idea what he is talking about-  
  
Rock: The Rock should just leave this store.  
  
Tammie: -springing up from her faint- NO! DON'T! PLEASE! I WANT THE ROCK'S STRUDEL!  
  
Jadyn: -has her head in her hands- Tammie, please just lie back down…  
  
Rock: No, the Rock could use some poontang pie right now. The Rock is taking her with him.  
  
Jadyn: Aren't you married?  
  
Tammie: -leaps into the Rock's arms and is now snogging with him-  
  
Rock and Tammie: -leave hurriedly-  
  
~~~ 5 years later ~~~  
  
-Jadyn is lying on a chaise lounge when a messenger hands her an envelope-  
  
Messenger: Your Highness, a message.  
  
Jadyn: -opens it up-  
  
Message: You are invited to the wedding of Tammie and the Rock. Be there or get the SMACKDOWN!  
  
Jadyn: -sighs- 


	9. The Undertaker

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Undertaker  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me.  
  
~~~  
  
Undertaker: -walks into the store, which now is a funeral home, specializing in coffins-  
  
Jadyn: -dressed in a skimpy black dress- How can I help you?  
  
UT: -in a hurry- I need two coffins, to go.  
  
Jadyn: To go? What? You don't even need a funeral?  
  
UT: No. Give me the coffins.  
  
Jadyn: I'm sorry, but I can't do that.  
  
UT: Why?  
  
Jadyn: 'Cause I'm just too damn suspicious.  
  
UT: Look, give me the coffins and I won't hurt you.  
  
Jadyn: Oh, now you're gonna hurt me?  
  
UT: -exasperated and desperate, he pulls a gun out of his leather jacket- Hell yeah, I'll hurt you! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!  
  
Jadyn: -not to be outdone, she pulls a bazooka out from under the counter- No, I think YOU will respect ME!  
  
UT: Whoa, uh, don't get any crazy ideas there, darlin'. I was just joking. I wasn't gonna shoot ya, honey.  
  
Jadyn: -enraged- NOBODY CALLS ME HONEY!!! -shoots bazooka, which propels her six feet backward-  
  
UT: -is suddenly covered in tee shirts- What the heck? 'Rest in peace with Jadyn'? Huh?  
  
Jadyn: -to herself- Darn. Wrong bazooka.  
  
UT: -heavy sigh-  
  
Jadyn: Go away.  
  
UT: -grabs Jadyn by the front of her skimpy dress- I need those coffins.  
  
Jadyn: -dangling in midair- Why, did you kill someone? -her clunky shoes fall on UT's foot, causing him to jump and drop her-  
  
UT: -holding his foot- Yeah, I killed someone all right? It was an accident. Now can I have the coffins?  
  
Jadyn: -points to plywood- Unless you have money, there's your coffins.  
  
UT: -growls, then grabs the plywood and walks out- I was tired of you anyway.  
  
Jadyn: -calls police- 


	10. The Hardy Boyz and Lita

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
The Hardy Boyz and Lita  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me.  
  
Dedication: To Coyote-Baybe!  
  
~~~  
  
Matt, Jeff and Lita: -walk into the store, a toy store now-  
  
Jadyn: Can I help…you? -trails off as she sees their outlandish outfits and hair-  
  
Lita: -smiles cheerfully at Jadyn- No, thanks, we're just looking.  
  
Jeff: -runs off in glee-  
  
Matt and Lita: -walk off behind him, talking and holding hands-  
  
~~~ in 5 minute intervals ~~~  
  
Jadyn: -is at the counter, reading a magazine full of skinny models, overly expensive clothing, and articles entitled, "Make Your Orgasm 150% Better!!!"-  
  
Jeff: Ooh, can I have this?  
  
Matt and Lita: -in unison- NO!  
  
-usually followed by a loud crash-  
  
Matt and Lita: -in unison- JEFFREY NERO HARDY!!  
  
Jadyn: -nonchalantly- You break it, you buy it, honeys.  
  
~~~ after the first half-hour ~~~  
  
Matt: -approaches the counter- Excuse me, do you have those carts with the little seats in them?  
  
Jadyn: -getting her first close-up look at him, she smiles flirtatiously- No, but why do you need one?  
  
Matt: I'm gonna stick Jeff in the seat.  
  
Jadyn: -cute giggle- That's so funny! Maybe you could get him over here and I can talk to him.  
  
-Lita approaches the two-  
  
Jadyn: Hi! Are you with this lovely gentleman?  
  
Lita: -sees the way the two are eyeing each other- Yes, I am. -in a threatening hiss- So stay away from him, bitch!  
  
Jadyn: -recoils-  
  
Matt: -takes no notice- Jeff! Come here! The lady who runs the store wants to talk to you!  
  
Jeff: -comes over on a bouncy-ball, holding a giant stuffed rabbit, three now-mutilated Barbies, a stuffed/talking version of Hollywood Hulk Hogan, and licking an enormous lollipop- Hi! I'm Jeff. I like your store. What's your name?  
  
Jadyn: My name is Jadyn. Now, cutie, do you know exactly how much damage you've done in the short time you have been in my store?  
  
Jeff: -giggling- She called me cutie.  
  
Jadyn: -outraged- YOU OWE ME THREE-HUNDRED DOLLARS, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!  
  
Matt: No one calls my brother a brat!  
  
Lita: Listen, bitch, I'm thinking we should just leave your store!  
  
Jadyn: No way! Not until you give me three-hundred bucks!  
  
Matt: We don't have that kind of money on us!  
  
Jadyn: -deep sigh- Okay, look, I'll make you a trade. You take the brat and leave, but I get to keep this one. -points to Matt-  
  
Matt: What?!  
  
Lita: FINE! -grabs Jeff and storms out-  
  
Jadyn: -takes a struggling Matt and shoves him in a closet, where we can see various other men, including Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Ben Stiller. Cackles- 


	11. Chris Jericho

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Chris "Y2J" Jericho  
  
With special appearance by Stephanie McMahon!  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me, the Grand-Master of Ceremonies and future Queen of Switzerland.  
  
~~~  
  
Chris Jericho: -walks into the store, now a photography shop-  
  
Jadyn: Hello. What do you want?  
  
Y2J: How dare you not bow down before me, the LIVING LEGEND, the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION?!  
  
Jadyn: Please tell me you're high and this is not your actual personality.  
  
Y2J: I want pictures of me and my beautiful belts.  
  
Jadyn: That was improper grammar.  
  
Y2J: GET TO IT, WOMAN! TAKE PICTURES!  
  
Jadyn: -sighs, then gestures him into another room. Takes out a disposable camera- Okay, strike a pose, babe.  
  
Y2J: Hell, no! What kind of photographer are you anyway? -takes her camera and throws it across the room-  
  
Jadyn: The kind you're only gonna pay twenty bucks to take your pictures. Now… -takes out another disposable camera- …take off your shirt.  
  
Y2J: -gladly complies, kissing and holding up his belts-  
  
Jadyn: That's good…good… now, toss your hair around while I go get the chocolate syrup.  
  
Y2J: What?  
  
U.C. Wha-  
  
Jadyn: Don't even start.  
  
Y2J: Why do you need chocolate syrup?  
  
Jadyn: -turns and winks in our direction- I thought it would make a good picture. -throws the camera in the shredder-  
  
-Stephanie McMahon enters, screaming Y2J's name shrilly-  
  
SM: JERICHO! JERICHO, DO YOU HAVE MY WATER??  
  
U.C: Slut, slut, slut, slut, slut…  
  
Y2J: Aren't you going to stop them?  
  
Jadyn: Absolutely not.  
  
SM: Jericho, what are you doing here? With… HER?!  
  
Jadyn: -grins, and gives a small wave-  
  
Y2J: I wanted some pictures of myself.  
  
SM: Come on, we have to get out of here! -takes his hand and drags him out-  
  
Y2J: Wait, I need my pictures! -voice trails off-  
  
Jadyn: -holding a bottle of chocolate syrup, she enters her infamous closet. As she enters, male screams are heard as well as Jadyn's own hysterical cackle.- 


	12. Triple H

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Triple H  
  
Disclaimer: I only own Jadyn and her awesome outfit, but even that was borrowed from Rob Zombie's new video ("Never Gonna Stop").  
  
~~~  
  
Triple H: -walks into the store, now a pet store called 'New Hamsterdam'-  
  
Jadyn: -is wearing the white fur outfit from the "Never Gonna Stop" video and has a very large snake around her neck- Can I help you? -mutters to the snake- Yes, red red kroovy…  
  
HHH: Uh, okay. I need-uh a dog-uh. My bitch-uh ex-wife-uh broke-uh my dog- uh's leg-uh, and now-uh she needs-uh a friend-uh.  
  
Jadyn: -raises an eyebrow at HHH's speech impediment- Oh, you don't want a dog! You should get something more, I don't know, easy to manage. How about these mealworms? -gestures to a cage that is full the brim with writhing, brown insects-  
  
HHH: Eww-uh! NO! Do-uh you have-uh anything-uh more-uh normal-uh?  
  
Jadyn: Hmm. Well, come with me. -she escorts him to the back, where, in a pen, random small mammals are running around. A few dead animals lay on the floor of the pen, and spatters of blood mark the plastic walls of the cage- How about a ferret? Or a hamster? Or a gerbil? Mouse? Rat? -holds up each animal as she names it-  
  
HHH: I really-uh just-uh want-uh a dog-uh.  
  
Jadyn: Well, how about this iguana? He's really quiet. I don't even think he can make a sound.  
  
HHH: I WANT-UH A DOG-UH! -rips his shirt off in his signature animal-like manner-  
  
Jadyn: Well, jeez, you don't have get…-sees his chest. Her eyes widen and glaze over-…sexy.  
  
-shakes head quickly- Ahem. You said you wanted a dog?  
  
HHH: -grins-  
  
Jadyn: -grabs him by the hand and leads him to the dog cages, where puppies are all jumping around like the wind-up toys they are- See any you like?  
  
HHH: They-uh are all-uh the small-uh kind-uh. I like-uh big-uh dogs-uh. Do- uh you-uh have-uh any-uh big-uh dogs-uh?  
  
Jadyn: -pets her snake- No. Zuni can't digest them.  
  
HHH: -eyes Zuni warily-  
  
Jadyn: So do you want one of these or not?  
  
HHH: Okay-uh. How-uh about-uh… that-uh one-uh? -points to a tiny Welsh Corgi that is yipping furiously in HHH's direction-  
  
Jadyn: Oh, you want 'JeffHardyKiller'? Good choice.  
  
HHH: 'JeffHardyKiller'? What kind of name is that?  
  
Jadyn: I hold a slight grudge against him. -opens the cage that JeffHardyKiller resides in and pulls him out. She hands him to HHH. JeffHardyKiller promptly bites HHH's finger and yips at Zuni. Zuni attempts to eat the dog-  
  
HHH: I'll take-uh it-uh. How-uh much-uh?  
  
Jadyn: Just take the damn thing before Zuni gets a hold of it! Bye!  
  
HHH: -leaves with JeffHardyKiller-  
  
Jadyn: -mutters to Zuni- Red red kroovy. Yes… 


	13. Al Snow.... er, Diamond Dallas Page

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Al Snow…er, Diamond Dallas Page  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me.  
  
~~~  
  
Al Snow: -walks into the store, now a candy store-  
  
Jadyn: Hi! -looks at his shirt, which says 'Al Snow is Here'- Oh, are you Al Snow?  
  
Al Snow: Yeah…  
  
Jadyn: Here. -hands him some puppies, obviously left over from the previous chapter- Eat these for me, will ya?  
  
Al Snow: -runs out crying, still holding the puppies-  
  
~~~ an hour later ~~~  
  
Diamond Dallas Page: -walks in, smiling his scary white smile-  
  
Jadyn: -is busy counting her money; doesn't notice him-  
  
DDP: Hey! It's me! It's D… D… P!  
  
Jadyn: -screams in both surprise and terror-  
  
DDP: Hey, don't scream. Me being here? It's not a bad thing… it's a good thing! -grins-  
  
Jadyn: Oh my GOD! Your teeth are so freakin' white!  
  
DDP: That's not a bad thing… it's a good thing!  
  
Jadyn: -ignores him. She's hypnotized by his incredibly white teeth-  
  
DDP: I need Trident (©). It keeps your teeth white, and let's face it. That's a GOOD thing.  
  
Jadyn: -continues to stare at his teeth, but points him in the direction of the gum-  
  
~~~ 1 1/2 minutes later ~~~  
  
DDP: -approaches with about 400 packs of gum- This is a good thing!  
  
Jadyn: -rings it up while still staring at DDP's teeth- 200 dollars, please.  
  
DDP: That's a good price! -hands it to her in one dollar bills- Bye! -leaves with his gum-  
  
Jadyn: -shakes her head. She can't remember what happened. Damn those teeth! I always knew they were evil…-  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Hello, readers. The real Jadyn here. I just wanted to alert you Hurricane Helms fans that, even though he *was* going to have a chapter, I decided not to because it sucked.  
  
Hurricane: It did not! Citizen Jadyn, why do you only criticize the Hurricane's -dramatic pose- chapter? Whassapwithdat?  
  
Jadyn: SHUT UP! -hits him with a whip-  
  
Thanks, (hugs and kisses)  
  
Jadyn 


	14. Test

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Test  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me.  
  
~~~  
  
Test: -walks into the store, now a video rental store-  
  
Jadyn: Hi. Oh, wow, a pony!!  
  
Test: What do you mean?  
  
Jadyn: Wow! A talking pony!  
  
Test: I'm not a pony. I am a person.  
  
Jadyn: No, you're not. Check out those teeth.  
  
Test: I just need braces.  
  
Jadyn: You're telling me, pony-boy. Now, what video do you want to rent?  
  
Test: -leans in very, VERY close- Do you have any, ahem, *special* videos?  
  
Jadyn: You mean for retarded people? Yeah, we have a couple… come with me.  
  
Test: No! I mean, special videos that only adults can watch… you know?  
  
Jadyn: Oh! Yes, come here. -takes him to the movie GROUNDHOG DAY-  
  
Test: No, damn it! I want the kind of video that gets you all hot and bothered! Come on!  
  
Jadyn: Very well. -takes him to THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW-  
  
Test: -sighs-  
  
Jadyn: What? It got *me* all hot and bothered.  
  
Test: Okay, I'm going to explain this VERY carefully. I want a video that kids can't watch, that will get me hot and that is probably in a special room. Do you have any of those?  
  
Jadyn: OH! I get it! Come on! -grabs his hand and takes him into the backroom, to a movie called HAIRSPRAY-  
  
Test: -turns away and screams-  
  
Jadyn: What is wrong with you? You'll get hot after you see Ricki Lake in this!  
  
Test: Look, you psycho, I want PORN! PORN, PORN, PORN! I have had no tail in six months and I want porn! Give me your PORN!  
  
Jadyn: We only have one.  
  
Test: I don't care. I'll take it!  
  
Jadyn: All right. -puts it in a bag and hands it to him-  
  
Test: -leaves-  
  
~~~ 1/2 an hour later ~~~  
  
Test: -gets to his hotel room, and takes the movie out. He puts it in the VCR and sits back. All that shows up on the TV is naked firemen. He looks at the title. Test reads FEEDING THE FIRE: GAY LOVE. Screams- 


	15. Booker T

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Booker T  
  
Disclaimer: I own Booker and me. I actually bought him on Ebay for $5.73. And I got a free Vince McMahon action figure! (If you didn't understand that was a joke, I must now injure you!)  
  
~~~  
  
Booker T: -walks into the store, which is now a dry cleaner-  
  
Jadyn: Hi. Do you need something?  
  
BT: I want the shirts I had dry-cleaned.  
  
Jadyn: Let me see your ticket, sir.  
  
BT: You did not just say that! -turns to a random customer- Tell me she did not just say that!  
  
Random Customer: Huh?  
  
Jadyn: Why are you so freaked out?  
  
BT: I am Booker T! Five time WCW Champion! -counts to five-  
  
Jadyn: What are you talking about?  
  
BT: -frustrated- Here are my tickets.  
  
Jadyn: -looks through the movey-dry-cleany-thingy-maboby and hands him a giant orange dress-  
  
BT: What? I had three shirts dry-cleaned!  
  
Jadyn: This is what your ticket matches. Now go!  
  
BT: No! -does the spinning part of a Spinarooni-  
  
Jadyn: Why are you spinning on your head?  
  
BT: -huffs and leaves with dress-  
  
~~~ about 3 minutes later ~~~  
  
- an extremely large woman walks in and hands Jadyn a ticket-  
  
Jadyn: -looks through the movey-dry-cleany-thingy-maboby again and pulls out three shirts-  
  
ELW: I gave you an orange dress.  
  
Jadyn: -gulps- 


	16. Stacy Keibler

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Stacy Keibler  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me. (and I like eggs)  
  
~~~  
  
Stacy Keibler: -walks into the store, which is now a Victoria's Secret (©)-  
  
Jadyn: Hello. Oh, god, not another slut!  
  
SK: -looks both confused and angry at this remark- Look, I need a thong. -touches a bra on a hanger-  
  
Jadyn: I don't doubt it. What color?  
  
SK: -sighs- I don't know. Maybe… purple?  
  
Jadyn: -leaves and returns with a few pairs of thongs; all are size XXXL-  
  
SK: Hey! These are all, like, *way* too big!  
  
Jadyn: Well, I was just judging on what I can see.  
  
SK: -thinks about what Jadyn said for ten minutes- Hey, I am not fat!  
  
Jadyn: You must be really bad at Pictionary.  
  
SK: Look, just let me get my thong.  
  
-all of a sudden-  
  
Bubba Ray Dudley: Stacy! We still haven't forgiven you for screwing up our title shot!  
  
D-Von Dudley: Yeah!  
  
BRD: D-VON! GET THE TABLES!  
  
DVD: -magically pulls a table out of nowhere-  
  
SK: -screams-  
  
BRD and DVD: -3d SK through the table-  
  
SK: -lies on the floor unconscious-  
  
Jadyn: -throws a purple thong on SK's face- Here you go! I found one your size!  
  
Jadyn and the Dudley Boyz: -leave to go get lunch at Chik-Fil-A (©)- 


	17. APA... kind of

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
APA…kind of  
  
Disclaimer: I only own me. And the country of Poland. Bwahahahaha!  
  
~~~  
  
Faarooq: -walks into the store, now a bar. No one is around, so he rings the bell on the counter. Repeatedly-  
  
~~~ in the Hidden Hot Tub Room ~~~  
  
Bradshaw: Do you hear that?  
  
Jadyn: -waking up- Huh? Oh, that's just the bell at the counter. Someone's here.  
  
Bradshaw: Oh. I'll go get it. I guess I'll have to get used to it if we're gonna get married.  
  
Jadyn: -dozing off- Uh-huh. -realizes what he said- Married?  
  
~~~ back out front ~~~  
  
Bradshaw: -is wearing only a towel tied around his waist, and has just come through the door from the back- Faarooq?!  
  
Faarooq: Bradshaw?! Man, what are you doin' working in a bar? In a towel?  
  
Bradshaw: Man, my new fiancée owns the joint. And dude, she's got a hot tub in the back!  
  
Faarooq: You're getting married?  
  
Bradshaw: -scratches his head- I figure I should after all the stuff we did. That chick is limber.  
  
Jadyn: -comes running out in a bathrobe, panting heavily- Bradshaw! We (pant) are (pant) not (pant) getting (pant) married! (pant pant pant)  
  
Bradshaw: What do you mean? Of course we are! We're gonna get married and have a house with a white picket fence, and a dog, and five kids!  
  
Jadyn: NO! First of all, I despise picket fences of any color, I have a snake -gestures towards Zuni, who is sleeping in a cage- and I don't want kids!  
  
Bradshaw: I'm confused. I thought that's the kind of stuff all women wanted.  
  
Faarooq: Hello? I just wanted some beer.  
  
Jadyn: Look, Bradshaw, honey. You're very sweet, but I just met you two hours ago, and frankly, I prefer my Closet.  
  
Bradshaw: Huh?  
  
Jadyn: Never mind. Look, maybe, we could go out a couple of times or something, instead of getting married?  
  
Bradshaw: I guess. -looks like he is about to cry-  
  
Jadyn: Aww. Come on. -takes him back through the door to the back room-  
  
Faarooq: Hello? Hello? Aw, man! -leaves. He never got his beer- 


	18. Jadyn Takes Over

Shopping With Wrestlers  
  
Jadyn Takes Over  
  
Disclaimer: I actually own everyone in this chapter: Me and Jadyn. Although the people I refer to, I don't own. So if you sue me, you can have my little sister.  
  
~~~  
  
Jadyn: -walks onto a stage that has appeared in place of the store. She is dressed in a black beret, camouflage tank top with the words BOY SCOUTING printed across it, a camouflage mini  
  
skirt and thigh high black boots. She is carrying a riding crop- Hello, citizens of Fanfiction-Land! My name is Jadyn and you know me as the insane/sarcastic/slightly slutty/pretty damn fun owner of 'The Store'. That's right, my lovelies. We are naming it today. The Store is the place where fun and harassment of various wrestlers has occurred and will continue to occur. But I think you may be getting the wrong impression of me. Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, you, the one writing. Get your ass down here!  
  
Sarah: -suddenly falls through her computer screen, landing on the street in front of Jadyn- Huh? What? Where am I?  
  
Jadyn: You're in Fanfiction-Land, honey. And you're here to pay.  
  
Sarah: Pay for what, exactly?  
  
Jadyn: For making them think so horridly of me, that's what, bitch! Now get up! We have some talking to do.  
  
Sarah: -gets up. She fears the riding crop-  
  
Jadyn: Now, lets go from the top. First, Kurt Angle. Why was I such ditz in that chapter?!  
  
Sarah: -nervously- Well, I had just developed the idea of you and I was kind of working you out. Besides, you played some great jokes on him in that chapter!  
  
Jadyn: -chuckles- Yeah, I did. But what about Big Show?! I'm not afraid of him!  
  
Sarah: Well, he *is* rather large. I just figured it might be fun to have you afraid of him.  
  
Jadyn: Okay, but Austin? I would give him beer anytime, anyplace. And maybe more… -eyebrow wiggle-  
  
Sarah: It was funny! And stop being a slut! He's married…  
  
Jadyn: Shut up. Okay, Shane McMahon? You had to let Angle scare him off, didn't you?  
  
Sarah: It wouldn't have out anyway. I hear he's not into that whole chains- and-whips thing.  
  
Both: -shrug-  
  
Jadyn: Moving along, Stephanie? Why'd you even have her come in?  
  
Sarah: Wasn't it fun to diss her? Besides, you needed training for The Rock.  
  
Jadyn: True. Alright, Kane. I could have dealt with him, if you hadn't had him injure me so badly! Do you know I have permanent back damage?  
  
Sarah: Price of being a bitch. Trust me, I've had a wired jaw.  
  
Jadyn: Christian and Edge. All I can say is, what the hell was that chapter?  
  
Sarah: -grimace- I know. Not one of my better ones.  
  
Jadyn: The Rock's chapter, I have no complaints about. Except that you had me working with that annoying chick, Tammie.  
  
Sarah: HEY! That's my best friend!  
  
Jadyn: Chapter nine, Taker. Do you know how mean he was?  
  
Sarah: -sigh- He's the Undertaker. Didn't you expect him to be mean?  
  
Jadyn: Well, maybe a little bit. But what about the Hardyz and Lita? I want Jeff. Well, okay, both of them.  
  
Sarah: Sometimes we all must pay sacrifices. -begins humming Creed's "My Sacrifice"-  
  
Jadyn: Okay, Chris Jericho? You just had to let him get taken away by Steph.  
  
Sarah: -shrug- He was her little slave at the time.  
  
Jadyn: Triple H? Why couldn't I just feed the dog to Zuni and keep Hunter? Huh? Huh?  
  
Sarah: Not a bad thought… -plot bunnies attack her. She gets the Idea to make a smut fic starring Hunter and herself-  
  
Jadyn: -attacks plot bunnies with a fire poker- Anyway, explain Chapter Thirteen. Al Snow *and* DDP? And those teeth… I still get dizzy sometimes.  
  
Sarah: Well, I couldn't think of much for you to say to The Snowman, -cuddles her very unhappy-looking Al Snow muse- so I got rid of him quick. And I am absolutely fascinated Señor Page's teeth. They are so SHINY!! -is easily amused by shiny/sparkly objects- So you got hypnotized. I refuse to explain further.  
  
Jadyn: -senses there is another reason for that chapter- Test, I had fun with. But I have to ask about your choice in, er, alternative films. I mean, Rocky Horror? Groundhog Day? *Hairspray*?  
  
Sarah: Hey, stop insulting me! -poutpout-  
  
Jadyn: -sigh- Moving on, Booker T. That dumbass? I wouldn't touch him clothes with a three-hundred foot pole, let alone let him enter my store!  
  
Sarah: But look at what you gave him!  
  
Jadyn: -pictures the horrible orange dress- Right. Stacy Keibler, though? That ho?  
  
Sarah: -deadpan- You had her 3D'd through at table, Jadyn.  
  
Jadyn: I know! But… Okay, then. The APA! What the hell was that?  
  
Sarah: Ohh, don't you go complaining! You had your own bar and you got to fuck Bradshaw! That is every woman's *dream*.  
  
Jadyn: -mumble- Not mine.  
  
Sarah: Oh, no? Than what do you want?  
  
Jadyn: -sheepish smile- A chapter with Hollywood Hulk Hogan.  
  
Sarah: -goes to hug her-  
  
Jadyn: Hey, don't get carried away just because you're the author and all.  
  
Sarah: Sorry. You got it. A chapter with Hollywood Hulk Hogan coming up.  
  
Both: -say good-bye and Sarah leaves-  
  
--*  
  
Author Notes/Thanks:  
  
Notes:  
  
I created this chapter for two reasons. One, I had no idea what to do next after 17 chapters. Two, Jadyn was getting bitchy. Damn split personalities.  
  
There will be at least one more chapter, Hogan's. If I get enough praise (hint, hint), I might keep going.  
  
  
  
Thank You's:  
  
Kanetastic: Shelly, keep rockin', babe. Glen and Mark *will* come a- knockin'. And, yes, I still wish to beat you senseless for not proposing a quickie when you met Glen. Bad, Shelly, bad!  
  
Coyote-Baybe: So sweet, so demanding, so supportive, and so…frighteningly obsessive. But you got your damn chapter.  
  
Romi The Flair Gurl: How much have I done for thee? Let me add it up… j/k. But I really did like the first chapter of your (coughcopycatcough) story. I couldn't find the rest. Boo-hoo. -cries-  
  
Mystic Queen- No! I will not give Faarooq beer!  
  
Sonar- Yes. Yes, I do read my reviews. Over and over again.  
  
D-E-N-I-S-E - Goldust? Are ya sure? And the ideas come from my insanity… and my hammah (hamster).  
  
DXDiva13- Yeah, I had to diss your man! Whatcha gonna do, huh? J/k!  
  
Death Scribe- Was it really that funny? Did you enjoy your visit to the ER (from your Jadyn-caused collapse)?  
  
AZaReL- Thank you so much. I do, don't I?  
  
--*  
  
Love, (hugs and kisses)  
  
Jadyn 


	19. Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Shopping With Wrestlers

Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Disclaimer: I don't think I own Hulky. -checks- Nope, he's not mine. 

~~~

[# denotes singing]

Hulk: -walks into The Store, now a music store-

Jadyn: It's you! Yay! -celebrates-

Hulk: Were you… expecting me?

Jadyn: -jumps into his arms- You betcha! You are so freakin' cool! -plays some Jimi Hendrix at top volume-

Hulk: Hey, you're not too bad yourself! -dances-

Jadyn: So what can I help you buy today, Cool Hulky Boy-Man?

Hulk: I dunno, I was just gonna look around.

Jadyn: How about you listen to my band, The Water Balloons That Love Hulk Hogan? I'm the only person in the band, but…

Hulk: Um, okay…

Jadyn: -puts on a CD-

The Water Balloons That Love Hulk Hogan: 

# Hulk, he's so cool #

# Hulk, come swim in my pool #

# Hulk, come visit my school #

# Hulk, you totally rule! #

# Oh, Hulk Hogan rocks #

# He rocks, rocks, rocks #

# He rocks my socks #

# Eddie Guerrero changed my locks! #

# Chickens and cocks! # 

# But mostly Hulk rocks! #

Jadyn: So, whatcha think?

Hulk: -all choked up- I… *loved* it! 

Jadyn: Yay! Hugs!

Hulk: Yeah!

Jadyn: D'ya want a Pocky?

Hulk: Ooh, Pocky! Did you see me kick Kurt Angle's ass last night?

Jadyn: Yeah!

Kurt Angle: -runs in- Hey! Stop eating my Pocky!

Jadyn: They are *my* Pocky, Kurt! Go away!

Kurt: He didn't kick my ass that bad. And why'd you write him a song and not me?

Jadyn: Because Hulky rocks! He rocks my socks!

Kurt: Ookay. I'm just gonna leave then.

Hulk: Hey, don't be ashamed to be bald! Bald really is beautiful!

Jadyn/Hulk: -giggles-

-silence-

Jadyn: D'ya think he went to the wig store down the street?


End file.
